The “Incredible” Swiss Army Phone

Posted on July 28, 2010



1. A calculator to determine how much money I need to save in order to upgrade my wife’s wedding ring diamond

2. A compass to help me determine north from south when I took a wrong turn driving to Harrah’s Ak Chin Hotel and Casino

3. A Global Positioning System to help me find Harrah’s Ak Chin Hotel and Casino

4. Transferred money between bank accounts to make up for losses sustained at Harrah’s Ak Chin Hotel and Casino

5. A video camera to record the aftermath of a burning, overturned semi-truck on the freeway while en route to Sedona for a day trip

6. An 8 Mega Pixel digital camara to photograph a trip to Sedona for a day trip, to include pictures of a burning semi-truck on the freeway

7. Used it as a police scanner to determine how much longer we were going to be stuck on the freeway due to a burning, overturned semi-truck on the freeway while en route to Sedona

8. A photo editor to make my Sedona pictures look better than they were when I took them, thereby fooling the world into thinking I’m a better photographer than my wife.

9. A photographic and commentary platform from which to deliver my twisted thoughts and pathetic attempts at humor to the world through Facebook…in real time.

10. Ordered a pizza, through the internet, without having to get up from the couch or talk to someone. During which time I received updates on the pizza’s status, in real time, using a 5 tier notification system as I watched the latest episode of Deadliest Catch. RIP Phil…

11. Sold an old phone on Ebay for $187.00

12. Found the location of Mars in relation to the North Star, which I also learned was called “Polaris”

13. Downloaded any piece of music I wanted and played the downloaded tunes through my headphones or the speakers of my truck – for free

14. Watched a missed episode of the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson

15. Received up to the minute updates of Craig Ferguson’s life through  Twitter

16. Shot down hundreds of Japanese Zero’s, aliens, multi-colored balls, and killed about 50 or so tank commanders using the a custom, free arcade system.

17. Changed the amount of taxes that were coming out of my paycheck

18. Watched several Youtube videos for no reason at all, including this guy who practically has sex with a rainbow:

19. Texted many friends using only my voice, because typing took too much effort

20. Googled many things using only my voice, because typing took too much effort.

21. Created a shopping list that linked up with my wife’s phone in order to maintain an ongoing, up-to-date list of needed household items.

22. Used it as a flashlight to navigate through my dark house at night without tripping on one of 3 dogs.

23. A way to find out when Daniel Tosh is appearing in Phoenix

24. Used the calender to ensure I take off of work on September 25th to see Daniel Tosh live.

25. Checked to see what movies are playing and their showtimes at the theater near my house.

26. While listening to an unfamiliar song on the radio in my car, I placed the phone next to my car speaker and told it to listen and tell me the name of the song. Turns out I like  “Done Got Old” by Junior Kimbrough

27. Downloaded the song “Done Got Old” by Junior Kimrough

28. Sent and received E-mails between friends and family

29. Checked the weather forecast for Phoenix, Sedona, and Payson – just because I could

30. Found out that my brother is having a baby boy in a few months, via text messaging


1. Making a telephone call

Posted in: Funny Stuff