For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

Posted on August 11, 2009



Fornication Under Consent of the King

Forced Unnatural Carnal Knowledge

Found Under Carnal Knowledge

These are the four most accepted origins for the word

F_ _ K

It has been brought to my attention that I may be relying a bit too much on the F-word as I sit at my keyboard and weave a daily tapestry of words together in my personal blog. And that I should not rely so heavily on the unsanitary words that are capable of offending the masses.

I will concede to often being hesitant at dropping my seditious F-Bombs for fear of offending a select few who may happen across my daily ramblings. Those people include:

  1. Aunt Janna
  2. Pam, my lovely mother in law
  3. Herman, my wonderful father in law
  4. Mom
  5. Dad
  6. My public speaking teacher
  7. A few of my old Toastmaster group members
  8. Jesus

Bill Cosby never used foul language. He was, and still remains, a very successful comedian. He depends on raw talent to dazzle his audiences with his awesome anecdotes, rather than using the “filth, and the foul, and foul, foul, filth”. Even Indiana Jones manged to survive his archeological adventures without the use of vulgarities.

I wonder?

If I tried sanitizing my writing…could I actually pull it off? Or have I already gone too far and deserve to be punished for my dissident dissertations?


But I am not Bill Cosby. And as much as I would like to be, I am not Indiana Jones. What I am is a city worker without a formal degree who was baptized into adulthood in saltwater by several high priests of the US Navy. Needless to say, I happen to possess quite a foul mouth. One that I usually have to apologize for amid social circles at work, at home, and at play. Must I add my blog to the list of apologies owed to any innocent victims of my verbal violence?

Dramatic Pause

I am also keenly aware that there exists a subversive and non-vocal group of literary critics who can appreciate an old fashioned F-Bomb being inserted into a sentence with surgical precision. I think that those who do enjoy my wicked wordplay do so because they can relate to it on a personal level.

Shakespeare once wrote that, “An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.”  I believe that I use some of the nefarious language that I do in order to tell an “honest tale”, rather than one that is sugar-coated and based somewhere far off in fairy land .

To be read with a Shakespearean accent – To become the proverbial sell-out, or not to become the proverbial sell-out: That is the question: Whether tis nobler in the blog to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous F-bombs, or to take arms against those who may be offended by them.

This is my latest inner struggle. Why is it a struggle? Well, some say that people who use a great deal of foul and filth in their language come to depend on it for their success. Without it, they have no material and are incapable of grasping any authentic achievements in the eyes of the masses that matter. That real writers, comedians, lecturers do not use such haughty language.

Perhaps one day I too can rise like a phoenix from the ashes of obscenity, spread my defiled wings, and launch myself into a sky filled with sentence sterility. But until I can  find the strength to lift myself up, shake off those impurities, and take flight- I will have to continue living in the dingy land of the vile and unclean.

Shakespeare also said that “Life is a tale told by an idiot — full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” I can relate to this much like many of you can relate to my blogs.I tell tales of life, I am an idiot, and I am filled with much sound and fury that is often represented by some rather unseemly words. And usually when you are done reading them, you got nothing out of them and walked away dumber than when you began.

So what do I say to those who may not appreciate my vulgar and vile filth?

Frankly my dears, I don’t give a fuck.


Posted in: Funny Stuff