So there you are, driving down the street hoping nobody catches you rocking out to the latest song from Lady Ga Ga. Suddenly you realize you are being followed by a very official looking law man on a motorcycle that has flashing red and blue lights mounted on the front of it.
You pull over.
An intimidating authority figure approaches your window, aviator glasses and all. You struggle to find your papers while rolling down the window to greet the gestapo.
“Hello Officer” you say.
“Do you know why I pulled you over”?
Here you find yourself at a cross roads. You can either be honest, lie, or be a complete smart ass.
Well, if you choose to be a complete smart ass, I have thought of a few answers you can use to reply to this age old question. For the purpose of your entertainment, I shall share with you the top 20 things I have always wanted to say when asked this question…
1. Because I am white?
2. Because you saw me Facebooking and wanted me to add you as a friend?
3. Because you mistook me for that homicide suspect that you should be out looking for?
4. Because of the muffled cries for help emanating from my trunk?
5. You’re paying me back for bullying you in 3rd grade?
6. You’re thirsty and wanted one of my beers?
7. We are playing tag, and now I’m “it”?
8. You need me to give you positive affirmations by respecting your authority?
9. We are being taped for an episode of “COPS” and you need to appear gainfully employed?
10. Because you recognized me from that APB of the missing patient from the Institute for the Criminally Insane?
11. Because you just saw me leave Dunkin Donuts and feel like I need a lesson in the value of sharing?
12. Because you ran my plates and noticed my car came back to your mom’s address?
13. Because the SWAT team wouldn’t accept you, and now this is all you have left?
14. Because you are your dispatcher’s bitch and she told you to?
15. Because you are afraid of losing your job to a speed camera?
16. You are in a competition with another cop to see who can pull over the hottest looking guys?
17. Because it’s 100 degrees outside and you want me to share my A/C with you?
18. Because you lost your gun and need to borrow the one I have pointed at you right now?
19. Because you are returning the key of Cocaine that your buddy’s confiscated from the last week?
20. Because you love Lady Ga Ga as much as I do and needed to catch the end of “Poker Face”?
Please take note: If you choose to use #18, ensure your last will and testament is prepared because the last thing you will see before the lights go out permanently is your own look of terror in the mirrored sunglasses that belong to the man who is about to put a .40 caliber hollow point slug in between your eyes with an extreme sense of urgency.